If you're not familiar with Halloween, this is how it goes down. Hollywood serves up a short-lived horror flick centred on a mentally unstable dagger-wielding oddball with a penchant for headwear. Children sport leotards and horns knock on people's doors asking for sweets. Home owners become enraged. Fake tanners in Essex are mistaken for pumpkins. Royal family youth wear Nazi uniforms.
Fortunately there’s more than one way to keep your outfit fresh this October 31st. Follow our 10 offbeat Halloween costumes inspired by disaster events that hogged the news this year.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 10: We Buy Any Car Man
Never before has Britain enjoyed entering their reg number now than with We Buy Any Car. Strap on a white Vauxhall-shaped foam sandwich and paint a dotted border of aluminous car silhouettes to get the look.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 9: Foreign Baddie
This year’s nominees are flamboyant Colonel Gaddafi and veteran terrorist, Bin Laden. It’s literally a choice of life or death. The Colonel still very much the cock of the walk in North Africa, draped in opera curtain themed attire. The Laden look is simpler, wear bed sheets and paint on bullet wounds.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 8: Jedward
Spend small change on a Peter Stringfellow wig and 2 hours with a can of hairspray and you’ll rock the iconic hairdo of Britain’s best known albino double act. Dab a handful of talcum powder on the cheeks for the finishing touch.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 7: Somali Pirate
Pirates are no longer the dapper show ponies of the ocean but that makes recreating the look easier for everyone. Cliches to avoid: leaving old bits of food in your beard, choosing felt, speaking with a Cornish accent, attaching a defrosted chicken to the shoulder as your parrot.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 6: Giant Cash-For-Gold Envelope
Your slender, polished oblong-shaped bodywear will make you the talk of the party, and people will love you for having somewhere to store their bags. Avoid letterboxes when drunk.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 5: Japanese Disaster Victim
Head down to local rubbish tip for a length of driftwood. Then stand under a carwash until you’re soaking wet. You’re a disaster victim so remember to look miserable. Don’t bother to learn Japanese, it’s only Halloween.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 4: London Rioter
Essentially, this is a makeover sponsored by JD Sports. It can be bought for £25 or less. Much less in fact if you throw a brick through the shop window and mug a mannequin. Finish the look with a balaclava. Turn up with a flat screen television or a big bag of rice as a gift just in case the party host mistakes you for general riff-raff and turns you away.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 3: Charlie Sheen
A party just isn’t a party without broads, booze and bowling shirts, Charlie Sheen will agree. The main challenge that lies ahead is staying in character, which entails trying to sleep with every woman in the room and mumbling intelligible phrases about tiger blood.
Worst Halloween Costumer 2: Ghost of Steve Jobs
What? Too soon? Oh, get over it. This is your chance to pay homage to the late innovator of the pod and the pad in an unforgettable way. Grow white whiskers. Reuse that old grim reaper gown. Carry a scythe in the right hand and a pumpkin in the left. For a touch of genius, carve a face into the pumpkin with an apple for the nose.
Worst Halloween Costume No. 1: Pippa Middleton’s Bum
Superglue 2 pumpkins together, paint pink, nestle a tiara on top. Your new gigantic royal pumpkin bum mask may disguise your character too well so carry a red carpet under your arm, ready to roll out on the quick. Take your gran along too - or kidnap a little old lady from a nearby bus stop - to be Queen for the night.